When people hear the word "infertility", the image that usually comes to mind involves hormone injections, egg counts, IVF clinics, and women doing the heavy lifting. While female fertility is often part of the story, there's another side that rarely gets airtime: male infertility.

Whether you're a gay couple starting with surrogacy or a straight couple wondering why it's taking longer than expected, it can come as a shock to realise the issue might lie with the sperm.

Male-factor infertility plays a role in nearly half of all infertility cases. That’s not a footnote. It’s the headline.

It’s far more common than people realise

Sperm issues like low count, poor motility, and hormonal imbalance affect thousands of men every year. Yet they’re rarely discussed.

The silence is heavy

Straight couples often assume the issue is female. Gay couples may be tested early but aren't always prepared for the results. And when it comes to the emotional toll, few know what to say or where to turn.

Why it’s hard to talk about

Because masculinity is often tied, wrongly, to fertility.
Because no one wants to feel like the obstacle.
Because many men have never been invited into this conversation at all.

But a low sperm count, or an unexpected result, doesn't say anything about your character, your value, or the kind of parent you could be. It’s simply a piece of information that helps you find the right path forward.

What You Can Do

1. Get tested early

‍Whether you're trying to conceive with a partner or planning surrogacy, a semen analysis gives you a clear starting point.

2. Ask proper questions‍

Count, shape, motility, DNA fragmentation — all of it matters. Ask your doctor for details.

3. Talk about it, even briefly

You don’t need to say much. But mentioning it to a GP, a partner or even a friend can help clear some of the fog.

4. Watch the jokes

‍It’s tempting to joke about being "the dud". But often, those jokes hit harder than they land.

If you're the partner

  • Let him take the lead on what to share or not share.
  • Don’t rush to make it better.
  • Be on the same team, even if the path feels uncertain.
  • Remind him that you’re still in this together.

To finish

There’s nothing weak about needing more information. There’s nothing shameful about not knowing something until now. And there’s nothing unusual about being surprised by what a fertility test shows you.