Building trust before the surrogacy journey begins

Starting a surrogacy journey can feel like a lot — especially when it comes to meeting and building a relationship with a potential surrogate.

One important step in Australian surrogacy is often called surrodating — the time intended parents and a potential surrogate spend getting to know each other before any formal offer is made. Think of it as the “getting-to-know-you” phase, but with bigger conversations than interest rates and who does the best coffee.

Whether you’re meeting someone new through the surrogacy community or deepening an existing friendship or family connection, surrodating is about building trust, having honest conversations, and seeing if you’re truly a good match for the undertaking.

It’s generally recommended that surrodating lasts around three to six months, giving everyone time to develop a solid foundation before making any commitments.

But what if it doesn’t lead anywhere?

It’s normal to wonder: what if we spend months surrodating and it doesn’t work out?

While there are no guarantees, the time is never wasted. Even if a surrogacy arrangement doesn’t eventuate, you’ll have gained insight, experience, and clarity about what matters to you — all of which will help you move forward.

And if the relationship does lead to a surrogacy agreement, you’ll have built the kind of connection that can carry you through one of life’s biggest adventures. This person will forever be part of your family’s story.

Why surrodating matters — even with friends and family

Surrodating is considered best practice in Australia, even if you already know your potential surrogate well. Surrogacy involves complex emotions, legal steps, and deeply personal decisions. It’s essential that everyone is on the same page — and that expectations are explored early, not once you’re already halfway down the track.

This phase gives everyone the breathing space to ask questions, share hopes, and work out the practicalities.

Some important topics to cover during “surrodating”

  • Expenses: How will reimbursements be handled? What about time off work? (Tip: You can download our free Surrogacy Expenses Spreadsheet to help make this conversation easier.)
  • Communication: How often will you check in? What sort of updates feel right?
  • Pregnancy and birth preferences: Any hopes or expectations around the birth experience and post-birth involvement?
  • Health insurance and medical costs: How will these be managed?

The key: open, honest, and respectful conversations

It’s far better to uncover any tricky topics early, rather than after legal agreements have been signed or pregnancy is underway. Good communication now lays the groundwork for a smoother journey later.

Surrodating isn’t just a box to tick. It’s the start of a relationship built on trust, care, and shared purpose — exactly what you need when you’re embarking on something this important.