She gave you the gift of family, however can you thank her?
When the baby arrives, the spotlight understandably shifts to the newborn and the new parents. But your surrogate, who just went through a monumental physical and emotional experience, still needs you. She is used to carrying the baby so the change is monumental. Ensure she stays connected and involved with the little one and receives your continued appreciation.
Here’s how to support her in the days, months, and milestones that follow birth.
1. At the Hospital
In the first few days post-birth, your surrogate’s body is flooded with maternal hormones, instinctively preparing her to care for a newborn. Her body still needs time to adjust to not having the baby around any more.
Tips to support her:
- Stay nearby. Aim to be in the same hospital and ideally just a room away to allow for natural, low-pressure interaction.
- Frequent visits between the surrogate, baby, and intended parents help ease the transition.
- Share the joy. Lots of cuddles for everyone! Let her see the bond you’re building with the baby to affirm her role in creating a family.
Note: Day 3–4 postpartum can be emotionally intense. Hormonal fluctuations often cause emotional crashes in the form tears, ups and downs, and sensitivity. This is biological, not regret. Be supportive, present, and involve her where you can.
Remember: Respect her space, but keep her present.
2. Up to 1 Month Old
The first month is a crucial recovery window. Your surrogate is physically healing and emotionally adjusting.
Tips to support her:
- Maintain daily contact — visits, texts, or calls.
- If you’re from out of town, don’t assume she’ll be fine after a week. Be flexible with your stay and be prepared to extend. Most intended parents stay for 3 weeks to a month ahead of travelling with their baby.
- Involve her children (if appropriate), helping them understand and connect with the baby’s arrival.
Remember: Ensure you are emotionally reachable, not just physically present.
3. Up to 3 Months Old
This period brings continued recovery. Her body may still be healing, and her emotions may still be settling so ensure you keep up contact, despite how tired you may be!
Tips to support her:
- Keep regular contact via phone call, messages or whatever you are used to.
- Ask about her physical and emotional recovery and how her family is adjusting.
- Share updates about the baby — she’ll want to know the child she carried is thriving.
- If you’re far away, consider monthly video calls or visits.
Remember: Don’t assume she’s back to normal. This is a huge change and recovery takes time.
4. Reaching Baby’s First Birthday
The baby’s first year is full of milestones. While your focus shifts to parenting, your surrogate is still part of your story.
Tips to support her:
- Acknowledge her on big days — Mother’s Day, Christmas, first birthday — with a message or thoughtful gesture.
- If you said she’d be “like family,” include her in family events.
- Nurture the relationship — now’s the time to shift from birth support to long-term connection.
Remember: Don’t let her become invisible as you get caught up in the whirlwind of family life.
5. Key Milestones and Beyond
Surrogacy is never fully over. The connection shifts but doesn’t disappear — unless it’s neglected. These days we are in touch with our surrogate over whatsapp for any key moments in one another’s lives. The love and support is ever present on both sides.
Tips to support her:
- Continue sharing updates, milestones, and moments.
- Acknowledge her ongoing role in your family’s story.
- Personal gifts still hold great meaning: the latest photo book, keepsake, or handwritten letter.
Remember: Make sure she knows what she for you did still matters so very much
