Surrogacy can be one of the most rewarding journeys a person or couple undertakes — but it’s not always straightforward. Beyond the medical procedures and legal paperwork, there’s a rich tapestry of emotional, social, and logistical considerations that need to be woven together with care.

This post is a walk-through of key conversations and questions intended parents and surrogates might have along the way. Think of it as a starting point for reflection, planning, and honest dialogue — a prompt sheet for navigating the big (and small) decisions that sit under the surface of a surrogacy journey.

Whether you're just starting out or well into the process, we hope this guide helps you feel informed, supported, and a little less alone.

1. Starting with Openness

Before any scans or contracts, one of the first things to talk about is how open everyone wants to be.

  • Are you telling friends and family about the arrangement?
  • Will the surrogate and intended parents be introduced to each other’s circles?
  • What kind of support networks are in place beyond the core team?

Being upfront about expectations here can prevent awkwardness later on. Some prefer to keep things private, others might feel more comfortable sharing the journey more widely — either way, clarity helps.

2. Talking Media and Announcements

Social media and public storytelling can be a beautiful way to document the experience — or it might feel invasive.

  • Who will be sharing updates, and where?
  • Will the surrogate’s pregnancy be announced publicly? If so, when and by whom?
  • Are both parties happy for the surrogate to seek support in groups or forums?

It’s worth checking in regularly as comfort levels can change over time, especially as the pregnancy becomes more visible.

3. Pregnancy Wellbeing and External Advice

Every pregnancy is different, and everyone’s got an opinion — often whether you ask for it or not.

  • Are there health issues (e.g. back pain, dietary needs) that need extra support?
  • How will well-meaning “advice” from friends and family be handled?
  • Is there a shared understanding about respecting the surrogate’s medical decisions and personal space?

Keeping communication kind and honest can go a long way in maintaining trust.

4. Finances and Planning Ahead

Let’s talk money — calmly, clearly, and without tiptoeing.

  • Do the intended parents have a realistic sense of total costs?
  • What happens if unexpected expenses pop up?
  • Does the surrogate want a full breakdown, or just reassurance that costs are covered?

A shared spreadsheet and a few what-if scenarios can help make sure everyone’s on the same page — even when things don’t go to plan.

5. Medical Matters and Birth Control

It’s important to spell out the details — from embryo transfer to prenatal testing.

  • How will birth control be handled, if applicable?
  • Which tests are expected or required (e.g. NIPT, amniocentesis)?
  • How will decisions around invasive procedures be made?

Talking through medical expectations upfront helps everyone feel more prepared — and avoids surprises.

6. Social Media and Privacy

Will you be sharing bump photos? Weekly updates? Or keeping things low-key?

  • What’s okay to post — and what’s not?
  • Will there be a private blog or Instagram account?
  • How will baby photos or birth announcements be handled?

Set clear boundaries early, and revisit them as the journey unfolds.

7. Appointments, Travel, and Timetables

Logistics matter — especially if you’re living in different cities (or states).

  • Who’s going to appointments? How often?
  • Will travel costs (plus any lost wages or childcare) be reimbursed?
  • How will last-minute changes be handled?

Being realistic — and respectful — about each other’s time and capacity is key.

8. Maternity Comfort and Support

It’s the little things that add up: comfy shoes, stretchy waistbands, bras that actually fit.

  • What’s the plan for maternity clothing and extra support?
  • Are there funds set aside for unexpected comfort needs?
  • How can the IPs help the surrogate feel cared for without overstepping?

A bit of thoughtfulness here goes a long way.

Professional support isn’t just for when things go wrong — it’s also part of a healthy, proactive journey.

  • Who’s arranging counselling (and will it continue after birth)?
  • How will legal agreements be drawn up and updated?
  • What about life insurance and health cover for the surrogate?

It’s worth being thorough here. No one likes paperwork, but good documents build peace of mind.

10. The Birth and What Comes After

It’s time to talk about the big day — and the weeks that follow.

  • What kind of birth is planned, and who will be there?
  • Will there be skin-to-skin contact? Who cuts the cord?
  • What support will be in place post-birth (emotionally and financially)?

This is a milestone for everyone involved. Planning it thoughtfully makes a real difference.

11. Life After Birth: Contact and Connection

Once the baby arrives, the dynamics inevitably shift.

  • What’s the plan for ongoing contact — between the child and surrogate, or the two families?
  • Will the surrogate be included in milestones or celebrations?
  • How are the surrogate’s children and partner being supported?

There’s no one-size-fits-all here — only what feels right for the team.

12. When Things Don’t Go to Plan

No one wants to think about the “what ifs,” but a little preparation can offer comfort later.

  • What happens if someone has a change of heart?
  • How will financial or medical surprises be handled?
  • What if the journey involves grief, loss, or complicated decisions?

Having a plan doesn’t mean you expect the worst — it means you’re looking after each other, whatever comes.

Final Thoughts

Surrogacy isn’t just a checklist — it’s a human experience, shaped by courage, care, and collaboration. Every journey is unique, and every team will approach things a little differently. What matters most is that everyone feels seen, supported, and respected.