Couples reflecting on the unexpected paths to parenthood — and what they’ve learned
Parenthood rarely follows the plan. For many Australians, it arrives via routes they never imagined. Long IVF cycles, lost pregnancies, surrogacy with a family member, or international arrangements — each path brings its own set of challenges and invaluable lessons.
Here are stories and reflections from couples who found parenthood in unexpected ways.
I certainly didn’t expect that at the age of 52, I’d be carrying my grandchild
Pregnancy carried by mum or sister
After a 19-week loss and several attempts to fall pregnant again, Michelle and Jono Harley found themselves considering an option they’d never imagined: Jono’s mum, Jasmina, offering to carry their baby. At 52, she became their surrogate — and after that, Jono’s sister Sophie offered to carry their second child. What began as a deeply private struggle unfolded into an unexpected family effort that changed all their lives.
It is a bit strange watching your mum pregnant with your own child
“I certainly didn’t expect that at the age of 52, I’d be carrying my grandchild” Jasmina shared. “It is a bit strange watching your mum pregnant with your own child” Michelle admitted.
It wasn’t the way they pictured becoming parents. But what they learned is that love, generosity, and trust can reshape what family looks like — quite literally.
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18 rounds of IVF and surrogacy with a friend
Entrepreneur Lisa Messenger had endured 18 rounds of IVF before her friend Sarah offered to carry her baby. They approached the surrogacy journey with transparency and careful discussion, mapping out how they’d stay connected, support each other, and make decisions together.
“Sometimes the unthinkable becomes thinkable,” Lisa said.
Sarah added, “It was about open communication and understanding each other’s needs.”
What began with exhaustion and medical frustration turned into something empowering: two women walking side by side through one of the most intimate and significant experiences of their lives.
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International surrogacy after failed IVF
Jess and her husband spent four years trying IVF in Melbourne. The process took a toll — physically, emotionally, financially. After multiple failed attempts, they looked abroad, eventually engaging with surrogacy programs in Ukraine and Georgia. Despite uncertainty and time zone challenges, they felt supported and ultimately welcomed twins.
“We had to try something else… It was very confusing. There was a lot of late night Googling.”
They had hoped to stay in Australia. But the international route gave them clarity, choice, and success. And now they use their story to help others considering overseas options.
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Australian surrogacy after Crohn’s diagnoses
After Sarah Starkey was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease and endured three miscarriages, she and her husband Tom turned to surrogacy. They shared their journey publicly, and eventually, Emily — someone they didn’t previously know — stepped forward. It took time to establish trust and connection, but the match became something solid and lasting.
“We’re both very strong, emotional people,” said Tom.
“When I started thinking about surrogacy, I just knew that she was the one” said Sarah.
It wasn’t the family timeline they imagined, but the emotional richness of the journey changed how they think about parenthood and community support.
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Walking the unknown with IVF and unresolved journeys
Daniel and Jasmine were told they had unexplained infertility — the kind with no obvious answers, just lots of waiting. They tried IVF. They paused. They tried again. Eventually, they found success. But what stayed with them was not just the result, but what the journey revealed about each other.
“It tested us in ways we never expected.”
Sometimes there’s no dramatic turning point. Just a slow, quiet decision to keep going.
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What they’ve learned
- Family can come from unexpected places
- Relationships matter as much as biology
- Pause is a strategy, not a failure
- Everyone’s timeline is different
- Talking matters
These Australian stories show that parenthood isn’t just biology or plans. Unexpected paths can lead somewhere you’d never thought — and yet, exactly where you belong.
