While much of the surrogacy journey focuses on getting to the birth, what happens immediately afterwards is just as important. From hospital room logistics to long-term contact, this stage involves a shift in roles, expectations, and emotions. The better these moments are planned, the smoother the transition can be for everyone involved.

Here are ten thoughtful considerations to guide you through the early days after birth — and help maintain strong, respectful relationships long after the baby comes home.

1. Who’s in the hospital room — and when?

Not everyone wants or is able to be present at the birth. But once the baby arrives, it’s worth talking about who’ll be at the hospital and when. I know that when my baby was born we were only allowed two people in the room at one time, but of course we wanted our surrogate’s mum to be involved. So we alternated during the labour, and in the end, the hospital allowed all of us to be present for the birth itself.  

Think through questions like: Will the surrogate want time alone to recover? Will the intended parents have a separate room with the baby? Who will sleep where on the first night? It’s not about creating rules, but planning ahead to make sure everyone’s needs are met.

2. Skin-to-skin contact and first cuddles

Some surrogates want time with the baby after birth — for cuddles, or simply to say goodbye. Others may feel ready to step back quickly. Likewise, intended parents may be unsure when to step in. 

It is important to have a plan as to who will hold the baby, when, at the birth. For us it made sense that our surrogate held the baby when she first arrived so that the doctors and nurses could review her, she was of course still attached by her umbilical cord! Once the cord was cut, we each took a turn having skin-to-skin with her and taking photos together.

It’s also important to think through where in the room you will stand for the birth, and who will cut the cord! Discussing these moments beforehand helps everyone feel confident when the time comes.

3. Recovery support for the surrogate

Birth is a physical event, and recovery takes time — especially after a caesarean or complicated delivery. Ensuring the surrogate has proper support (from her partner, family, or a postnatal doula) is essential. Creating a plan for this time is key. Your surrogate has very likely had a baby before and so will have a good sense of what worked previously, and what to expect.

Financial reimbursement for lost wages, childcare, or extra help around the house should be part of this plan also.

4. Emotional aftercare for everyone

The post-birth period can bring a surprising wave of emotion. Surrogates might feel relief, grief, pride, or a strange mix of it all. Intended parents may feel joy, exhaustion, or imposter syndrome. This is especially true if your surrogate is in a separate room to the baby, as the medical team will tend to focus on the baby. Note too, that days 3 and 4 come with a lot of emotional changes so it is important to be available to your surrogate at that time, and, perhaps, to have your baby ready for cuddles. These feelings are very natural, and ongoing counselling and regular check-ins go a long way.

5. Timing the parentage order application

In Australia, legal parentage doesn’t transfer automatically. Intended parents must apply for a parentage order through the court, usually four weeks after birth. This process varies by state and requires documentation — including post-birth counselling and a statement of support from the surrogate. Make sure everyone knows the timeline and what’s expected of them.

6. Registering the birth

By law, the birth must be registered with the surrogate (and her partner, if applicable) listed as the legal parents — at least initially. This can feel odd, but it’s normal. After the parentage order is granted, a new birth certificate is issued. Everyone involved should understand this process so no one is caught off guard.

7. How and when to stay in touch

Some teams text daily for months. Others check in once a year. There’s no “right” amount of contact — but it helps to set expectations early. A message around milestones (first birthday, Mother's Day, embryo-versary) can go a long way. A lot of this will become clear as you surrogate or spend time in the lead up to pregnancy. Think about what feels comfortable and sustainable for both sides.

8. Including the surrogate’s family

The surrogate’s partner, children, and close family have often supported the journey behind the scenes. A small gesture — a thank-you card, photo book, or even a low-key visit — can help them feel recognised and valued. I know we always brought small gifts for both our surrogate and her children whenever we visited them.

9. Telling the child their story

At some point, the child will ask where they came from. Many parents start sharing this story from day one. Using books, photos, and the surrogate’s name in everyday conversation can help it feel normal and celebrated. If you’ve agreed to ongoing contact, those moments will add even more meaning. There are a lot of books available such as A Very Kind Koala.

10. Space to grow and change

Relationships change. People move. Feelings shift. What you agree to today might look different in five years — and that’s okay. Leave space for flexibility, and revisit your agreements every now and then. The most successful journeys are built not on perfection, but on trust and the love of a family you have all created together.