‍Introduction
Embarking on the surrogacy journey is both an exciting and complex experience. As intended parents, it’s important to begin by having deep, honest conversations between yourselves about every aspect of the process. This blog post is designed as a guide for couples to reflect on and discuss key questions before broaching them with a potential surrogate. By aligning your expectations and understanding your own priorities, you’ll be better prepared to establish a strong, collaborative relationship with your surrogate.

1. Openness and Communication
Before you involve a surrogate, ask yourselves:

  • How transparent do we want to be with our families and friends about our surrogacy journey?
  • What level of openness feels right for us as a couple?
  • Who are our trusted supporters outside of our immediate relationship?

2. Media, Announcements, and Social Connections
Discuss your comfort levels regarding public disclosure:

  • Are we prepared for potential media attention or public interest?
  • Who among us should lead discussions and make announcements, and when is the right time?
  • How should we coordinate public posts or social media updates, and what role might our surrogate have in that conversation?

3. Balancing External Input
Every pregnancy is unique. Consider how external advice might affect your journey:

  • How will we handle input from family, friends, or professionals that might differ from our own perspectives?
  • What are our boundaries for accepting advice regarding medical or emotional support?

4. Financial Planning & Budgeting
Money matters are often delicate, but clarity is key:

  • Do we have a comprehensive understanding of surrogacy costs, including unexpected expenses?
  • Are funds secured for all anticipated expenses, including worst-case scenarios?
  • How will we plan for contingencies in our budget?

5. Financial Transparency and Readiness
Building on our budgeting discussions, it’s important to address financial transparency with your surrogate:

  • Are we fully aware of the true potential cost of surrogacy, and do we have sufficient funds to cover even the most challenging scenarios?
  • How much detail do we feel is necessary to share with our surrogate regarding our financial capability—should it be an in-depth discussion or a simple confirmation of financial readiness?
  • How will we address any unexpected costs during the journey to ensure that everyone remains comfortable and informed?

6. Medical Care, Testing, and Birth Control
The medical journey requires joint decision-making:

  • What testing protocols and prenatal care expectations do we have?
  • How will we approach discussions about birth control and managing unplanned scenarios?
  • Are we aligned on the level of intervention we’d like in the process?

7. Appointments, Travel, and Logistical Details
Discuss the practical aspects of the journey:

  • Who among us will attend appointments and manage scheduling?
  • How do we plan to handle travel logistics, particularly if we’re in a long-distance arrangement?
  • What are our expectations if sudden changes arise during the process?

8. Birth and Post-Partum Support
Planning for birth means addressing both emotional and practical needs:

  • Do we prefer a home birth, hospital birth, or a hybrid approach?
  • How will we coordinate our presence during birth and the recovery period?
  • What plans do we have for ongoing support—emotionally, logistically, and financially—after the baby is born?

9. Handling “What If” Scenarios
Finally, consider potential unexpected challenges:

  • How would we handle disagreements or sudden changes in our plans?
  • What if unexpected financial or medical situations arise?
  • How will we ensure that both our emotional and practical needs are met throughout?

Conclusion
Taking the time to discuss these questions as a couple creates a solid foundation for your surrogacy journey. By clarifying your thoughts and expectations now, you’ll be better prepared to approach conversations with your surrogate in a confident and united manner. Remember, honesty and mutual support are key to ensuring a positive experience for everyone involved.